To be a feline

"He/she tried to change me"

a recent confliction (I guess that is a word based on the lack of a red line underneath it)...

anyhow - I want to talk the r word here... the one that rhymes with smationtips.

Who decides, where is the line between motivating someone and trying to change someone

lets all be honest, and I have said it before - we are constantly changing, growing...

so why does everyone get all up in a tizzy when someone tries to "change someone"?

I know I am personalizing this based on my own experience - but we are encouraged to surround ourselves with people who support/motivate/inspire/encourage us. Support us to cope? Encourage us to grow? Inspire us to dream? Encourage us to face challenges? in growing - we change/adapt into ideally better versions of our current selves. When we are faced with challenges - we grow. When we dream - we envision a scenario different than the one we are in. that is change.

Change is not a bad thing We have control in making changes that will hopefully benefit ourselves. I for one hope I continue to change until the day I push up daisies. ''

a life without change?
bore city!
no thank you. Ill pass

Will I?

oh dear lord...

I just went through and revisited old blog posts... my oh my how the mighty have fallen. One line in particular struck me to the core...

I wrote "people always say that I am too happy, too optimistic, and too nice."

Did I use it all up? Did I not ration my lifetime supply of happiness? I thought it was like an all you can eat buffet.

Well - maybe it is. Maybe I just got lost on my way back from the powder room.

Okay - enough milling... I have had enough. Enough moping. Enough crying. Enough anger. I am pouring it all down the drain and beginning fresh.

I will write again.
I will create.
I will listen to new music.
I will read old books.
I will listen to old music.
I will read new books.
I will join the community.
I will do the things that scare me.
I will go it alone.
I will do the unthinkable.
I will be honest.
Brutally honest.
I will explore.
I will persist
I will continue
I will love
I will see
I will see the error in my ways
I will be patient
but I will not wait forever
I will be proactive
I will be fierce
I will be powerful
I will change
I will change
I will change
for me

signing off
warrior reborn

Confession of sorrow

Sorry for the emo title -

in this moment, and in many moments at this time in my life... I feel weak, angry, lost, alone, empty, hollow, and most heart breaking of all - in my opinion - uninspired.

every day, my life draws closer to its inevitable end... and every day, I fail to live.

I fully acknowledge that not every moment will be full of bliss and splendor... there will be dull moments and pain, sadness and regret... but I refuse to believe that the very minimal, few and far between moments of joy I feel these days, is all there is.

when I allow myself to truly feel, the undesirable feelings I try desperately to mask, the tears come quickly, often without provocation... the anger builds and I find myself wanting to break mirrors, punch walls, and cause damage.

I deny, on a daily basis, what I truly feel is what I need to do, because of the excruciating results I know that my actions would bring about,



...ponder...



in this moment, I have no more words.

I just needed to get that out,

I will return,